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[22 Feb 2005|12:53pm] |
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mood |
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why do things just keep getting worse
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[17 Feb 2005|09:49pm] |
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mood |
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im so stressed about everything lately and everything seems to be going wrong. im wicked stress out about friends and my car and when its going to get fixed and when i will get it back and prom cause everything i had planned seemed to have hit the shitter so yeah...leave mne a comment or something to try and cheer me up or something
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[11 Feb 2005|10:38pm] |
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so fuck the orange suit...its a comstume not a real suit
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[11 Feb 2005|11:44am] |
im getting that for prom...the orange one
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[06 Feb 2005|10:28pm] |
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mood |
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If you read this,
even if i don't speak to you often,
post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad,
just so long as it happened.
Also do you think i should get a light blue tux for prom?
and also monday feb. 7th (aka tomorrow) is my 17th birthday. lkjdsago
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[22 Jan 2005|07:53pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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music |
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war all the time |
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why the fuck does stuff like this make me upset.i really hart it and i just wish i had someone to talk to and cared alot. yeah i know all my friends care and stuff but its not the same. i just dont know. i feel bad talking to people that are just friends cause i feel like they dont want to listen to me complain. i know they say they dont care but sometime i wonder. things are just so messed up now and it sucks. i dont really eat anymore and i either dont sleep or never sleep. i haven really ate since thursday. i tried to eat taco bell last night and had like 1/2 a quesidea and felt like i was going to puke.i just dont know what to do anymore. i jsut really need someone. and i hate how people are like you so emo. fuck you. yeah i use to say i didnt care about shit but i really did and by not showing it got me into some trouble. and i dont want to deal with that shit. im tired of almost getting kicked out of my house cause i would hold everything in and just explode. im tired of telling people im fine when im not. im tired of pretending nothing wrong when i feel like shit. ive just been keeping to myself lately and i dont really mind it.i was planning on going out tonight but the snow fucked that up. yeah i love the snow and stuff but it jsut ruined my night basically. i was happy to hang out with keri cause we use to be best friends but i fucked things up with her someone and we slowly stopped talking and its good to talk to her again and ir eally wanted to hang out with her but the snow messed that up. i started hanging out with haley to and its good. i just wish things were like two summers ago when everyone would come to my house and we would have dance parties. me haley sam christine keri phill and everyone else that came to them. i had so much fun with them but it seems like i could never do that again. i messed some things up with some of those people and some of them arent friends anymore.yeah im sure they could all come over and have fun and everyone could stay away from eachother if they didnt like each other but it still wouldnt be the same. i miss everytime i looked at my walls i would see something new and be able to laugh or smile about it and be like " wow i never knew that was there." but i dont do that anymore. i dont even bother to try. i just miss alot of people. yeah everyone moves on and stuff but it feels like im the only one who hasnt. i still like the same things i liked since freshman year. i jsut feel like ive havent grown up and moved on from old things and old business like everyone else has. sometime i feel bad asking people if they want to hang out cause sometimes i think they want to say no i dont like you or no i dont want to hang out with you but dont have the guts to say so. i think im the only asshole i know that would tell someone that they dont like them or dont want to be around them or such. and yeah maybe its good sometimes cause people iwll know you will be honest about things and tell them how you feel but i think its horrible in the long run.i just with i knew what to do. im sorry that im taking up room on your friends list but i just needed to get everything out. i know no one is going to read this but it still feels kinda good that i got it off my chest.
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[22 Jan 2005|06:30pm] |
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fuck
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mat_with_one_t's journal
crappy